When we are told to pray for our family and friends in purgatory, how do we know who is there? Do we pray for specific persons (just in case) or do we pray generically for all who are there?

Marc in Jerseyville

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Thank you for your question! Ultimately, we don’t know who is in heaven and who isn’t, unless the Church canonizes someone a saint, which means the Church is declaring that person in heaven. Out of a principle of generosity, we should generally pray for anyone who has died, even if they seemed very holy to us. St. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 4:3–5, writes:

“It is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. I do not even judge myself. I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore, do not pronounce judgment before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then every man will receive his commendation from God.”

St. Paul was incredibly holy, bearing abundant supernatural fruit and having profound mystical encounters. Yet, he tells others not to judge him and even says he cannot judge himself.

After death, people sometimes assume someone is in heaven simply because they were a “nice person.” However, heaven is a perfect place where everyone is perfectly loving, patient, and selfless. It is free of self-centeredness, resentment, bitterness, greed, or any sinful attachment. Dying does not make us perfect, nor does it take away our free will. Purgatory exists as a space where the soul cooperates — using its free will — with God’s sanctifying work.

Keep in mind, there is nothing lacking in Jesus’ mercy or His all-perfect sacrifice on the Cross. Purgatory does not exist because God’s grace is insufficient. Rather, what is lacking is our cooperation with the free gift of that grace. All of that being said, we shouldn’t assume someone is in heaven, because we don’t know their heart — St. Paul didn’t even claim to know his own. 

To more directly answer your question, yes, we should pray for specific people after they die. But we should also follow the Spirit’s guidance in this. The Holy Spirit can prompt us whom to pray for and how long to continue praying. Personally, I pray for specific individuals after their death for as long as I feel prompted to. I don’t perpetually pray for every person who has ever died in my life. Instead, I often pray for them near the anniversary of their death, or if they come to mind unexpectedly in prayer. Once I no longer feel prompted to pray for someone specifically, I entrust them to God by including them implicitly in my general prayers for all the souls in purgatory.

I do believe that God can give us signs or a sense that a loved one is in heaven. But, we must discern those carefully. Our strong desire to know that our deceased family and friends are in heaven can sometimes convince us of something we hope is true — but they may still be in purgatory.

It’s always good to pray for the souls in purgatory as our prayers can be used by God to lighten their temporal punishment. If you pray for someone who is already in heaven, know that God used your prayer for your loved one as God sees the past, present, and future all at once.

Father Michael Trummer is pastor of Forty Martyrs in Tuscola, St. John the Baptist in Arcola, and Sacred Heart in Villa Grove and is a co-host of the podcast, The Normal Christian Life Podcast, with his brother, Father Christopher Trummer.