Is it OK to ask my loved ones before they die to give me a specific sign after they die that they are in heaven?

• Tammy in Effingham

Our primary relationship with the deceased who are not canonized by the Church is to pray for them, not receive signs from them. With this in mind, we can ask our deceased loved ones to pray for us. It is not wrong to ask for a sign that a loved one is in heaven, provided you do not base your faith or hope in God on the sign. If your loved ones are in heaven, God may allow them to give you some kind of sign that they are with Him. However, whether or not you receive such a sign is completely up to God. Therefore, while receiving some sign can indeed be reassuring, you should never regard the absence of a sign as evidence that your loved ones are notin heaven. We can ask God for signs, but we have to be humble and trust Him. We cannot demand signs from God as if we had a right to them. Asking God for a gift implies trust, but putting God to the test is the opposite of trust.

When we speak of requesting a sign from the deceased, we have to distinguish between the way we relate with the saints and other ways that people try to communicate with the dead or spirits. Saints often give us clear signs of their love and protection, such as when miracles of healing occur through their intercession. The most obvious example of such signs would be the apparitions of the Blessed Virgin Mary throughout history (Guadalupe, Lourdes, Fatima, etc.). Receiving supernatural help or signs from the saints is completely different from engaging in various occult practices (see Catechism of the Catholic Church, n. 2116). Spiritual gifts such as prophecy, as well as miracles and other signs from the saints in heaven, require surrender to God’s will and dependency on His power. The occult, by contrast, implies a rejection of God’s will and a desire to obtain power and knowledge apart from Him and His design. This difference is illustrated in Scripture when King Saul receives no answer from God and turns instead to a medium to conjure the spirit of the deceased prophet Samuel (see 1 Sam 28). Even though Samuel does speak to Saul, God’s plan is not thwarted or evaded, and Saul ends up getting killed.

We can have a real relationship with the faithful departed, especially the saints, who are actively interceding on our behalf as a “cloud of witnesses” (Heb 12:1). Jesus had to remind the Sadducees that our God “is not the God of the dead but of the living, for to him all are alive” (Lk 20:38). And during His Transfiguration, Jesus Himself conversed with the dead: “And he was transfigured before them; his face shone like the sun and his clothes became white as light. And behold, Moses and Elijah appeared to them, conversing with him” (Mt 17:2-3). Jesus did not regard the dead as spiritually inactive or merely “asleep” as they are fully engaged in God’s plan of salvation.

An important thing to remember about the saints is that our relationship with them comes from our relationship with God and should lead us into even deeper union with Him. We should not try to communicate with a saint or any deceased person as an alternative to God. First, because we trust God to reveal everything we need to know for our own salvation and that of our loved ones. Second, because there is a serious possibility of being deceived, we should not try to receive messages or revelations from the dead. As St. Paul says, “even Satan masquerades as an angel of light” (2 Cor 11:14).

When it comes to asking anything of God, the key thing is never to base your faith on any specific sign or outcome. Pray to God for everything you need and then trust what He gives you. To quote St. Paul again, “Have no anxiety at all, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. Then the peace of God that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus” (Php 4:6-7). With or without special signs that our loved ones are in heaven, God gives us countless reasons to trust in His mercy and to be at peace.

• Father Christopher Trummer, S.T.L, is parochial vicar at St. Boniface Parish in Edwardsville, associate delegate for Health Care Professionals, associate chaplain of the Springfield Chapter of the Catholic Physicians Guild/Catholic Medical Association and has a license in Sacred Theology in Moral Theology at the Pontifical University of the Holy Cross in Rome, Italy.